She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
