yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The struggles of a small town man whore
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
