So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
