I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
