ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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