Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
