Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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