; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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