Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
