Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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