Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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