I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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