My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
