You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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