I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
there was a trapeze. enough said
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
