who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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