it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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