well you can't waste a boner
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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