Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
