Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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