i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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