I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
