I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
