you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
