Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
