She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
