I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
