I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
