I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
