I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Never underestimate the power of titties
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
