you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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