cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
