Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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