What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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