My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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