I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize