the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
