Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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