i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
