no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
