your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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