his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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