I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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