My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
