i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
