Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
