to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
