on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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