The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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