i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My pussy is not your playground.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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