I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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