Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
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Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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