Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
