I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
