carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
