I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
