my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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