About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
