Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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