Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
